A Flumph With Waving Tentacles

I am the very model of a flumph with waving tentacles
I hang out with a fighter and a guy who plays with pentacles
I know the things of caverns, and I quote weapons historical
And all the monster manuals, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I calculate the CRs and with buff spells I'm fanatical
About role-playing theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the best builds that you-can-use


With many cheerful facts about the best builds that you-can-use
With many cheerful facts about the best builds that you-can-use
With many cheerful facts about the best builds that you-can-choose-to-use

We met up in the dungeon though I’m not within the SRD
Invoking Rule 0 the DM tried quite hard to forbid me
I complained about “badfun” and DMing most tyrannical
And by these acts I forced my way into his campagnical


He complained about “badfun” and DMing most tyrannical
And by these acts he forced his way into the campagnical

When in town floating around the villagers all stare at me
Which helps to take attention off our ranger who’s a chimpanzee
Cities I’ve patrolled for more than gold or silly precious pearls
I’m trying to find where the DM hides all the anime schoolgirls.

I can tell templated illithids from krakentua and aboleths
I fought with several parties and survived where they met their deaths
I had them all raised up so they could fight as they had fought before
Up until the point in which they were all dead once more


Up until the point in which they were all dead once more
Up until the point in which they were all dead once more
Up until the point in which they were all dead once again a-more

I am a floating creature so pit traps do not bother me
With slides and chutes the point is moot due to my levity
I come in special armor though as a flumph I wear no pants
And I can make you flumph-touched with a very special dance


In short, with the fighter and the guy who plays with pentacles
He is the very model of a flumph with waving tentacles

If I roll low I think you know that I will call a mulligan
And if I miss I must insist I be allowed to roll again
The Core Rules just limit fools with no imagining
Of how to play a flumph with no stats below seventeen

I’ve been to Krynn and old Berlin and walked the streets of Waterdeep
And in Greyhawk my party walked in places where the dark things creep
I don’t care if my flumphing ways cause the DM much distress
“When in doubt, just say yes” is something that the rules stress


“Just say yes” the rules stress, or so says he
“Just say yes” the rules stress, or so says he
“Just say yes” the rules stress, be plucky and adventury

All the rules in all splatbooks are memorized and known to me
Though in a tight spot I might not remember to apply one or three
In our DM’s campaign world flumph PCs are now cannonical
My next PC I think shall be a LEGO man bionical!


But still, in all matters of driving his DM mental
He is the very model of a flumph with flailing tentacles




(To the tune of the H.M.S. Pinnafore)
copyright (c) 2006 and 2011 Daniel J. Bishop